butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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