My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
