I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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