i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
