Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
