the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I understand Curling. That high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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