Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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