she woke up with a sticky ear
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We left an ass print on the piano.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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