tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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