Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
