I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You made out with two different species that night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
