Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
