I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize