just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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