guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
