That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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