He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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