like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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