at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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