I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
