did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we're making bets on your personal life
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize