I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
