so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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