somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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