well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
