I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize