i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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