just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
