Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
