I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
