Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
