I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
