he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
areolas are like halos for boobs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
