got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i believe in u and ur pee
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
