I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
