The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize