He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
