My cat gives me a boner
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
