i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
