Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
