I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
