White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
