Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
