she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
