R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Come share oat with me in your robe
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
