There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
