Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
