talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
