you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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