Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
