I'm so fucking centered right now
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
