my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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