I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
