I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
They took my balls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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