we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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