It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
