New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
