I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
