I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
