dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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