i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
