there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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