found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my shit smells like andre
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
