im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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