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2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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