I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
