and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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