He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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