So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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