Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We need to get me chipped asap
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