the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
