Welp...herpes.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
