I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize