Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize