The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize