Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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