Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
